matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
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