i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
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