We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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