Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
