Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
