i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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