my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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