I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
