Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
