Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
