i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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