Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
