she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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