I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I look better un-naked...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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