Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
