If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Never underestimate the power of titties
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
