Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
