If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
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I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
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Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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