So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
