I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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