just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
