i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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