you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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