I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Terrible idea I love it
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
