I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
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I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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