I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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