part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
