you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
