Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
