he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
