dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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