I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
