I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
