i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
