a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
How external is "for external use only"?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
