C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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