Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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