I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
