Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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