hotel room ftw
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
