I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
