Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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