...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
