If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
