Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
