I didn't shave. On purpose
and you said cock pushups were impossible
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
