you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
