Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
