i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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