the condom got lost in my hair
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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