i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
