Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
