You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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