so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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