the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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