Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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