I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
