when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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