ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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