Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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