I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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