I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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