I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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