So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
