My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
