The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
