she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
