My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
