turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
