PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Randomize
