how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
